Tag Archive for: Self Love

Choose Yourself

Trigger warning: References to sexual abuse

It’s May 13th, 20201.

Ramadan is over.

It’s Eid. I will NOT be celebrating it with other people. Specifically, I will not be celebrating it with family.

I have no desire to put myself in a situation where I have to interact with my abuser. A man who repeatedly sexually abused me when I was a teenager. I do not wish to interact with his enablers.

I’ve repressed memories of my abuse for years. Actually, I’ve repressed those memories for decades, to be precise.

Even when I began to acknowledge the abuse I experienced in my teenage years I made compromises.

I’d attend family gatherings where my abuser was present.

I’d interact with him.

Since 2017, I’ve been in therapy and I have realised I can’t make these compromises anymore. No more interactions.

When my marriage broke down in 2017 I even told my family about the abuse and the identity of my abuse. My father told me to “put it behind me”. It got swept under the carpet.

I even told various cousins. Yet, I’d get invited to get togethers where my abuser would be present.

So, today, despite fielding an avalanche of Eid Mubarak messages from relatives encouraging me to come visit, I’ve said no.

I choose to spend Eid on my own.

I choose myself.