Tag Archive for: Music

A Trilogy of Grief – Part 1

Today is March 3rd, 2023.

Finally, De La Soul’s back catalogue has been released on all digital platforms. 

I’ve been waiting for this moment…I don’t even know how long. 

I just know that digital streaming felt strange. 

At least for this hip hop head. 

I’d go onto Spotify, but I couldn’t stream most of my favourite De La Soul songs.

Why?

Doesn’t really matter. Some legal bullshit. 

3 Feet High and Rising

De La Soul is Dead

Buhloone Mindstate

Stakes is High

Art Official Intelligence: Mosaic Thump

Art Official Intelligence: Bionix

That’s a heap of goodness, totally absent on Spotify and other digital streaming platforms. 

But De La Soul had been working tirelessly to negotiate a way to get their work onto the steaming platforms. 

And they succeeded. 

The date was set. 

March 3rd, 2023.

Today is the day and it feels bittersweet.

February 12th 2023 I had another restless night of sleep. Tossing and turning. I reached for my mobile phone. I went onto Facebook to check my feed. 

I see someone writing this massive essay about De La Soul.

That’s cool. 

De La Soul deserve dissertations and thesis’ dedicated to dissecting and celebrating their genius. 

I went back to bed. Tossed and turned some more. 

Woke up again, returned to Facebook.

Now I’m seeing my feed saturated with posts about De La Soul, with a special focus on Dave aka Plug 2 of De La Soul had passed away aged 54. 

I sobbed in bed. I had to mute my grief as I didn’t want to wake anyone up where I was staying.

I may have been manufactured England, but the craftsmanship is Pakistani.

My people grieve hard. Without reservation. Muting my grief was fucked. There’s something there…this is not the time or place for that. But that wasn’t innocuous. I’m gonna nip my ADHD in the bud and get back to the topic at hand…

The news hurt. I saw friends of mine, grown men in their 50s mourning. Another musical hero. Gone. Aged 54! That’s too young. Too young. 

The next few days I had to go onto my iPhone where I saved all of De La Soul’s songs and revisited EVERYTHING. 

A rush of thoughts, emotions and inspiration flooded my senses. Heart, mind, body, soul, ALL engaged. 

1998-2000 was an important time in my life. 

I’d always loved music, but this was the time when I went in hard. I’d gotten into hip hop in 1998 and for those two years I snapped up so many albums. 

No streaming, no iTunes.

I’d go to HMV, log onto Amazon (in the very early years) and pick up everything I could. 

3 Feet High and Rising

De La Soul is Dead

Buhloone Mindstate

Stakes is High

These four albums got me through college. 

College was hard (final two years of high school for my American cousins).

I was 17 and I’d returned to London after spending 5 years in Pakistan.

I grew up in the 1980s under Margaret Thatcher and Norman Tebbett. 1980s Britain was racist as fuck. 

My mum took me out of school in 1993 and took me to Pakistan. I left while John Major was the Prime Minister. 

1998 I came back to the UK 1 year into New Labour. 

I decided to go to college instead of a sixth form. 

I wanted more freedom and that’s what I got at college. 

But it was hard a tricky time. I was still 22 years away from being diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I was experiencing constant social and academic challenges and had no idea why I kept fucking things up. 

I was smart, had a relatively kind heart, but yeah, things always went sideways. Always. 

Hip hop was a sanctuary in this time. And within that, two groups stood out for me:

A Tribe Called Quest

De La Soul

De La Soul appealed for so many reasons.

I loved how unapologetically themselves they were. It would take me another 22 years at least to get that comfortable in my skin. But I know that De La Soul planted some of those seeds that allowed me to blossom into myself. 

They modelled the best behaviour for me. 

Provided me with a map. 

I’m a romantic and an idealist. 

I remember listening to Eye Know from De La Soul back in college. 

This is Dave aka Plug 2’s verse:

May I cut this dance to introduce myself

As the chosen one for speak?

Let me lay my hand across yours

And aim a kiss upon your cheek

The name’s Plug Two (is Plug Two)

And from the soul, I bring you

The daisy of your choice

May it be filled with the pleasure principle

In circumference to my voice

About those other Jennys I reckoned with

Lost them all like a homework excuse

This time the magic number is two

‘Cause it takes two, not three, to seduce

My destiny of love is brought to an apex

Sex is a mere molecule

In this world of lust that I have for you

It’s true

I know I’ll love you better

Fuck!!!

I was floored. 

Now I love blowing out backs as much as the next man. But love, that’s…love is…I love love (shout out Metaphorest). 

I’ve never heard love expressed in such an innocent and tender way. I was 17 when I heard these rhymes, and I’m gonna be 42 soon and these rhymes still make my heart flutter. 

I don’t need to quote anymore lyrics by Dave aka Trugoy aka Plug 2. 

You know everything you need to know about his skill and his heart from those lyrics. 

Altho, I’d say also listen to “Trying People” on De La Soul’s album Bionix. 

Dave’s verses on their always made me cry even when he was alive. 

Now…those verses are unlocking so many layers of unexpressed grief. 

  • The loss of a close friend and my closest uncle to Covid
  • Divorce
  • Navigating fatherhood from a distance
  • Finally making sense of my brain (Autism and ADHD)



There’s more, but…

Dave was the heart of De La Soul. 

He worked with my brother Ty who so many people miss. 

De La Soul’s music was honest, sincere and at times fucking weird. 

I’m coming up to my 42 birthday and I realise that for most of that time I’ve masked myself. Suppressed it.

Who knows how long I have left. 

“Tomorrow’s not promised for none of us” Ty – I’m Leaving

I want to be:

  • Honest
  • Sincere
  • Fucking weird

Dave aka Trugoy aka Plug 2 and De La Soul’s work left me with a blueprint for this. 

Today is bittersweet.

But I’ve been up since 5am and writing furiously while the birds cheep and…despite the bittersweet feelings and grief (re)surfacing…I’m good ya know?

I am up and I’m looking forward to today and to the rest of my life. 

I’m living a life infused with passion and love.

De La Soul played a huge role in that.

They will continue to be a huge part of the soundtrack of my life. 

Dave aka Trugoy aka Plug 2 – September 21, 1968 – February 12, 2023.

Thank you for your generosity.

Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

Thank you for modelling a form of masculinity I could get with. 

Rest easy sir and look after Ty. Remind him how loved he is. 

2021 Reflections – Part 1

2021 had its fair share of surprises.

Here in London, we came out of lockdown.

What would that mean for me?

I had no idea…there was a lot of uncertainty too.

As I close out 2021, I realise it’s been almost 5 years since I ended my marriage and stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to get to know myself better. Away from the scripts imposed on me by family, culture, religion AND myself…Yes. I have to won what happened to me prior to 2017 too…Anyways, let me reign in my ADHD and stay on topic…

2021…I started the year in a really anxious place.

I’d just had Covid and was already experiencing symptoms of long covid back then. And I started off 2021 reflecting hard on 2020 too, sadly I never really documented my thoughts on here…not explicitly at least. 2020 had been an instructive time.

I won’t go into the loss and grief I experienced in 2020…but I got to spend time away from the poetry scene that I’d been a part of 2017-2019. I had no choice. We were “locked down”.

I attended writing workshops, wrote and shared my work. It was cool.

Come 2021, I had no idea how to react as the world re-opened.

I kept to myself for the first 6 months. Then I got a call from Abdullah, aka SoftSpoken who runs a poetry night called BYOB (Bring Your Own Bars).

“Haroon, we’re firing our DJ. We need someone new and your name came up.”

I actually kind of said no initially. I had imposter syndrome.

I was convinced by my friend Dan to say yes! Dan even invited me around to his home to teach me to DJ to reduce my anxiety around saying yes to Abdullah at BYOB and to get ready for my first gig!

June 2021, I DJ’d and it was incredible!

DJing…It’s been beautiful…It’s made my heart sing, I’ve met some beautiful people…I’m very socially awkward..But I can connect with people over music. I get to make people with my ability to curate music. The whole thing is just infused with so much love.

And after 6 months of being BYOB’s DJ I have been asked to join the team at Pen-Ting.

Pen-Ting is a poetry night I first started going to several years ago. It’s always felt like home. To be asked to join their team as their DJ is an honour.

I’ve been a fan of Repeat Beat Poet and Omari aka SKY GOD. To become collaborators and colleagues with people you’re a fan of…it’s a beautiful thing…

It’s insanely late and I can’t hold my pen much longer. This is just some musings and reflections from 2021…part 1. I’ll put the rest of my thoughts into a part 2 and share that in a couple of days.

Give Yourself Permission To Be Creative

“Play the fool.”

Ethan Hawke

I love this quote and it’s a great takeaway from Ethan Hawke’s TED Talk.

In fact, this talk is jam packed with great quotes. Here’s another from Ethan Hawke:

“If history has taught us anything, the world is an incredibly unreliable critic.”

I wish I’d written this particular quote, hell, I wish I’d written the first one I quoted too.

Back to the second quote though. Why do I wish I’d written that one in particular?

Because it’s true. When the Beastie Boys released their second album “Paul’s Boutique”, it was universally disliked by critics AND fans.

That must have hurt for the Beastie Boys. I honestly don’t know if I’d have been able to create another album after that. Not I was in my early 20s and had to take that kind of rejection after a debut album where I’d conquered the world (Beastie Boys – Licensed to ILL) .

The Beastie Boys didn’t give up. They went back and learned instruments. They took time out to work on their craft and on have fun with their instruments. Zero expectations.

They played the fool.

They became beginners again and in the process reinvented themselves.

They gave themselves permission to be creative.

Seems to have worked well for them!

I try not to do regrets, but I do regret every period in my life when I didn’t give myself permission to be creative.

However, I can’t EVER remember a time in my life, particularly since 2017 when I regretted giving myself permission to be creative.

Sometimes the end result is great. I’ll get the validation and praise for my work. Sometimes my work is ignored.

But, giving myself over to the process of creating…it just makes me feel alive and full of purpose. And new paths unfold.

“To thrive, to express ourselves…we have to know ourselves.

What do you love?

And if you get close to what you love, who you are is revealed to you and it expands.”


Ethan Hawke

Deep down we know we want to thrive.

The path to thriving comes through creativity.

Give yourself permission to be creative.

Here is Ethan Hawke’s TED Talk.


Two Reasons Why I Still Buy Music

I still buy music.

I care about supporting artists.

Which is why you’ll find me on Bandcamp and iTunes buying a lot of new music.

Today, I picked up a couple of bits.

Nah by D.Tail and Turkish Dcypha (single).

We Will Rise by Blue Lab Beats (EP).

D.Tail is someone I connected with on social media, then got to meet at Shay D’s Word on the Street open mic in London.

It took me a while before I was ready to properly listen to his music.

Ty, the legendary rapper and producer from Brixton was a huge fan of D.Tail.

Ty once said:

“There are 3 UK MCs who gave me goosebumps when I first heard them rhyme:

Klashnekoff

Durrty Goodz

D.Tail.”

It’s not hard to see why. If Eminem, MF DOOM and Kool Keith (Ultramagnetic MCs) had a threesome, D.Tail would be the baby that’d come out of that madness.

He has an insane flow, crazy humour and no shortage of personality. When you hear him rhyme, you. know it’s him. He stands out. Plus his quotable lines. Here’s my favourite on this track:

“How many ghostwriters does it take to write a Drake verse?”

Turkish Dcypha‘s beat is energetic, with frantic hi hats, great drum programming and speaker rattling bass lines.

He’s definitely one of the most prolific hip hop producers in the UK.

I wanna see both D.Tail and Turkish Dcypha receive their flowers while they’re still around.

As for Blue Lab Beats….they have a special place in my heart. When I first met my partner, we’d exchange links to songs and music videos constantly. My secret weapon to impress her?

Blue Lab Beats.

I sent her music videos for Ooo La La and Hi There.

Ooh La La’s video prompted discussions with my partner about our favourite pies and our shared love of gravy (just watch the video!).

Hi There’s music video had my partner sharing her love of 70s clothing.

Let’s not forget how utterly incredible Blue Lab Beats’ music was too in those music videos!

Blue Lab Beats create jazz. You can hear the influence of hip hop in the grooves and virtuoso NK.OK’s otherworldly drum programming. It’s well worth checking out his Instagram account to see his finger drumming abilities which are up there with Beatsbyjblack, another renowned finger drummer.

NK.OK creates the rhythmic foundation for David Mrakpor aka Mr DM, a multi instrumentalist who is an absolute wizard. He’s like King Midas but with musical instruments.

Their We Will Rise EP opens with Blow You Away (Delilah). It’s got a lovely summer vibe to it. It’s the soundtrack to good times and great weather.

Nights in Havana has a lovely drum beat accompanied by Mr DM’s guitar licks and keyboard playing that would make Kaidi Taitham stand up and take notice.

The EP continues with We Will Rise, the title track. It’s hard to pick a favourite when each track is so strong and brings something unique.

Blue Lab Beats don’t just slap a collection of songs together. Great care has been put into the sequencing of this EP. you’re taken on a journey. Like watching a movie.

In fact, I’d love to see them score a movie.

If you want to ensure great music continues to thrive and artists like D.Tail, Turkish Cypha and Blue Lab Beats, find ways to financially support them. Buy their music, go to their gigs, find their Patreon if they have one, buy their merchandise.

I love artists, I love supporting them and I’ll continue to do it with my wallet and using any platform I have, like this blog to celebrate them and spread the word.

oh baby..revisited

I love surprises! Don’t you?

I especially love it when those surprises spring from the same well.

“oh baby” by LCD Soundsystem. It’s a sublime song. I spoke about the joy of hearing it for the first time in my last post.

Another thing that gives me joy is storytelling. Particularly visual storytelling. Films, long form TV shows and when it’s done well, music videos.

For the past 2 years and 4 months I’ve been revisiting “oh baby” on Spotify.

I never once thought to go onto YouTube and look for its music video. However, I chanced upon it a few days ago. I’d been dissociating* again. It wasn’t fun. But once again art pierced through and allowed light to seep into me.

The music video is a short film set to music. I wish more musicians did this rather than use music videos as a promotional tool for their songs.

As I watch the opening frames of the video lead from pencils makes marks on paper. I’m then greeted by the stars of this story, David Strathairn and Sissy Spacek. They’re scientists working on a teleportation device and they’re in love with each other.

Because it’s set to music, there’s no dialogue. But their love is visible in each frame. Each shot and scene conveys more than any dialogue ever could.

This is why I want to be a screenwriter. Telling a story in pictures is an art form and the director, Rian Johnson delivers a poignant masterclass.

Sissy Spacek and David Strathairn‘s devotion to each other…..I can’t take my eyes off of them. I really can’t. I can’t help but care deeply about them. I wanna see them win in their pursuit of creating a teleportation machine.

Seconds and minutes elapse and I travel through time and space.

Intrigue draws me in, enchantment keeps me there and I return to my life with sorrow.

I process it all and I walk away with hope.

I’m crying.
I’m emotional.
I’m inspired.

oh baby

I love surprises! Don’t you?

With my head hunched down at my laptop in a trendy office I hummed “oh baby….”

The sounds of hypnotic synths travelled through the room.

“What song is this?” I asked my colleague.

“It’s ‘oh baby’ by LCD Soundsystem” she replied.

For decades I’ve struggled with dissociation*. I’ve found it hard to feel. Joy has been hard to come by.

This was NOT one of those moments. An honest piece of art can disrupt you and heal you. It can act as a form of therapy.

Music does that for me.

Find something that does that for you.

It’ll act as a balm for your spirit.



*You can find more information about dissociation at this link.

Loudspeaker

More poetry.

I wrote this one with my loudspeakers in mind. I’ve had them for 25 years, they’ve traveled with me across 2 continents and over 12 homes in that time.

Loudspeaker

I sit calmly
Ready to receive signals
Analogue
Digital
I don’t discriminate
Frame carved from wood
Interior carefully calibrated electronics
Great engineering never goes out of fashion
Good vibrations run through cables
Causing movement to my cones
Heart song bring lovers in the living room close together 
Cheek to cheek
I am the soundtrack to:
Birthdays
Bar mitzvahs 
Arguments
Make up sex
Break up sex
I’ve lived through it all:
Brit-pop
Hip hop
Trip-hop
Grime
Jazz 
Funk
Great engineering never goes out of fashion
I bend space and time
Connecting time zones, continents and bygone eras
I don’t discriminate