Tag Archive for: Hip Hop

Give Yourself Permission To Be Creative

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“Play the fool.”

Ethan Hawke

I love this quote and it’s a great takeaway from Ethan Hawke’s TED Talk.

In fact, this talk is jam packed with great quotes. Here’s another from Ethan Hawke:

“If history has taught us anything, the world is an incredibly unreliable critic.”

I wish I’d written this particular quote, hell, I wish I’d written the first one I quoted too.

Back to the second quote though. Why do I wish I’d written that one in particular?

Because it’s true. When the Beastie Boys released their second album “Paul’s Boutique”, it was universally disliked by critics AND fans.

That must have hurt for the Beastie Boys. I honestly don’t know if I’d have been able to create another album after that. Not I was in my early 20s and had to take that kind of rejection after a debut album where I’d conquered the world (Beastie Boys – Licensed to ILL) .

The Beastie Boys didn’t give up. They went back and learned instruments. They took time out to work on their craft and on have fun with their instruments. Zero expectations.

They played the fool.

They became beginners again and in the process reinvented themselves.

They gave themselves permission to be creative.

Seems to have worked well for them!

I try not to do regrets, but I do regret every period in my life when I didn’t give myself permission to be creative.

However, I can’t EVER remember a time in my life, particularly since 2017 when I regretted giving myself permission to be creative.

Sometimes the end result is great. I’ll get the validation and praise for my work. Sometimes my work is ignored.

But, giving myself over to the process of creating…it just makes me feel alive and full of purpose. And new paths unfold.

“To thrive, to express ourselves…we have to know ourselves.

What do you love?

And if you get close to what you love, who you are is revealed to you and it expands.”

Ethan Hawke

Deep down we know we want to thrive.

The path to thriving comes through creativity.

Give yourself permission to be creative.

Here is Ethan Hawke’s TED Talk.


Saying Goodbye

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Three weeks to the day today, I laid my close friend Ty to rest in South London. It was the hardest day of my life. Hands down. But I’m grateful that I didn’t have to do this on my own.

I did this together with a village, MY village, a family that has adopted, due in no small part to my big bro Ty who connected me with many of them and vouched for me.

Ty, this is hard for me and for so many others who love you. We can’t just get over you and get over your death from this cruel virus that is sweeping the globe. But I know that if you were able to talk to me right now, you’d acknowledge my grief, acknowledge my love for you and tell me to “keep it moving”. I’m trying bro, I’m fucking trying, real hard.

Thank you for reminding me that in order for me to be “a good player” I need to recognise a “good coach”. I’m sad you’re not here to coach me in person, but you are continuing to coach me with the example you lived while you were alive.

I need to go through whatever process that grief is taking me through. Please allow me that. Please. But as I start to heal, I’m going to get busy doubling down on the work you and I spoke about during our last dinner together, the week before lockdown. You called it my “Pursuit of Happiness” project. I remember you nudging me, motivating me to pursue this project…

“Haroon, you’re sitting on a ‘lottery ticket’, the experiences you’ve had…the story you can tell…”

Man…just quoting you reminds me of how you’re able to spit quotable lines the way most people use punctuation.

But yeah, there’s work to be done. Since your transition, we’ve been holding Pass The Torch sessions on Instagram Live where we celebrate your life and try to help each other heal. Your early collaborator Soliheen has featured on there and he said it best…

“It’s on us to amplify Ty’s legacy.”

I’ll do my part.

As you said on your track “Work of Heart”:

“We all return to dust, that’s a must….”

This a painful reality. Made all the more painful when I hear it from you in your voice on one of my favourite songs by you.

No little brother should have to bury their big brother. And as your mother said during your funeral, no mother should have to bury their son.

My time to transition will come too, that’s a must. And when it does, my lips to God’s ears….I’ll have so many stories to tell you..of adventures, of the stages I’ve performed on, of how I brought my “Pursuit of Happiness” story to fruition, of the new family and life I’ll have created. I’ll tell you about your new Godchildren and all the tales I told them about you and how much you would’ve loved them.

I’ll tell you tales of how I did my best to contribute to a brighter tomorrow, of how I did my best to make you proud.

Thank you for teaching me to look Upwards. I’ll forever keep my head held high. Insh’Allah.

In loving memory of Ben(edict) “Ty” Chijioke.

August 17th 1972 – May 7th 2020.

Cosmic Dust

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Recently my close friend, big brother, and creative mentor Ty passed away due to the Covid19.

I do not know how to do justice to his memory or even begin to convey the level of heartache I am feeling at his passing. I will be trying to process my grief through writing and some of that may or may not end up on this blog.

Until then I wanted to share this poem. I wrote it back in 2017. Ty had been criminally slept on during his career. I refuse to shy away from this fact especially right now where all of a sudden I’m seeing glowing tributes in mainstream media outlets that ignored him during his lifetime.

He had decided to take matters into his own hands and had pulled out all the stops to do a gig marking the 19th anniversary of the release of his debut album “Awkward” that was released on Big Dada. He had decided to perform the entire album, start to finish with a live band.

Anyone who’s followed Ty’s career over the years knows that he excelled at live performance, particularly when he brought live musicians into the proceedings.

I and so many of Ty’s die-hard fans could not wait for this gig. The gig was on May 31st 2017 and I wrote this poem in anticipation of the gig as I had been reflecting on his music and his friendship.

The first two lines of my poem were inspired by the following lines from Ty’s song “Closer” from his 3rd album “Closer“, the music video for which I’ve embedded below.

“Nobody ever said it was easy
and if they did they’re trying to tease me
I struggle with my demons discreetly
standing on my granddaddy’s shoulder
Trying to see more than I’m supposed ta
Can I get closer?”


The first two lines in my poem are a reference to the 3rd line of the excerpt from his song “Closer” above.

That 3rd line always pained me as it was Ty alluding to something that many of us experience and feel, but only he was brave enough to voice it on wax.

Here is the poem in its entirety

Cosmic Dust

My brother struggles with his demons discreetly
While I struggle with that
The flip side to wearing your heart on your shirt sleeve is you can’t be discreet while you wait for the wheel to turn
It’s jammed right now
And no matter how discreet I try to be
Unpacked emotions spill over in every interaction

I’m embarrassed
36 years on
I still can’t walk without crutches

My mother wanted me to be my father’s strength
I failed miserably at that

It’s all inverse
This prolonged adolescence
I need to snap out of it

Peter Pan syndrome

I was told I wanted to be a man in my 20s
And now a boy in my 30s

I’m a child in fact
I wish I’d inked Corinthians
Don’t care how many mocking & scornful glances it draws
It’s the one wish that has remained constant
It’s my totem now
Reminding me if I’m in that dream-like state the world strong arms us into 
Or if I’m truly awake

When I’m wake
I take long walks 
Powered by the voice of a mortal who was fashioned from the most magical clay & cosmic dust
I’ve shed tears while in the presence of people sharing their light
This person
He made me weep
Uncontrollably 
You’d think my vision was obscured through all the tears washing over my corneas
You’re wrong. 
Now I see clearly 

5th May – 2017

Trafalgar Square, London, UK

Ty – 1972 – 2020

RIP = Return if Possible

failing that

RIEP = Rest in Eternal Power