Speak Easy With Haroon S1:E2

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David Young: From Brookside Screenwriter to Young Adult Author

“I think the reason I wrote a book that worked was because I had to fucking sell it.” – David Young, Screenwriter/Author

Imagine paying off your mortgage with a credit card…

Not a good sign. 

But it was the reality that David had to face after being let go from his screenwriter role at the famous TV series, Brookside. 

Born and bred in Scotland, David Young, now in his fifties, found his love for writing at the age of sixteen. And he’s been writing since then, with the last 22 years of his life actually being paid for it.

He’s been a professional screenwriter/novelist since the age of thirty. 

But his journey was rough. 

In fact, he even mentions in this chat with Haroon that sometimes it’s best not to know what you’re getting into as a creative. Because if you knew the entirety of all the challenges that would come your way, you’ll probably be tempted to choose another path – one that’s safe. 

Needless to say, David’s own story is filled with suspenseful scenes where it seemed that his artistic dream wasn’t pulling him along. 

Until one day it did…

He told his story and shared some helpful lessons for anyone trying to fuel their artistic dream while battling the realities of life. 

And also a thing or two about Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Let’s dive into the highlights…

Listen to the full episode on Spotify

Show Notes 

  • David’s early life and writing. (1:50)
  • How growing up in Scotland in the 1980s influenced David’s journey as a writer. (4:10)
  • David shares about his deformity and being amputated at seventeen. (6:53)
  • The reality of being a writer. (8:10)
  • What would David have done differently as a writer if he knew then what he knows now? (9:30)
  • Why does it help to be a little bit naive as a creator? (11:10)
  • The importance of filtering feedback. (12:45)
  • The difference between screenwriting in the UK and the US. (16:00)
  • The creative subconscious vs. writing as manual labour. 
  • About the London Writers’ Salon. (26:30)
  • David’s take on the notion of overnight success and the average amount of time it would take for writers to become paid. (30:00)
  • How did the academic system affect how people view art and cultural products, despite the huge economy it produces? (32:30)
  • Bracing yourself for reviews as you find your readership. (38:18)
  • Written content in reviews versus the star ratings. (40:30)
  • David’s thoughts on rejection. (42:12)
  • What does it take for someone to recognize a potentially successful piece of work? (47:09)
  • David’s view on how living below your means can benefit creators. (51:45)
  • David’s approach to writing and not having an alternative. (54:15)
  • David shares why he believes in writing sprints and how he goes about it. (1:00:25)
  • On writing every day. (1:02:30)
  • Why David recommends you should create a writing spreadsheet. (1:05:20)
  • What did David’s experience writing for Brookside teach him? (1:07:42)
  • Why should you brace yourself for being fired as a screenwriter? (1:11:54)
  • David’s thoughts on starting out and money versus legacy. (1:15:35)
  • David’s take on how experiential research made him a better writer. (1:17:55)
  • David’s views on toxic masculinity and where it came from. (1:24:00)
  • David’s journey and lessons from Brazilian jiu-jitsu. (1:28:53)
  • How David spotted the Kindle publishing trend and his next move. (1:39:35)
  • What do most writers need to know when signing with a traditional publisher? (1:42:23)
  • David’s current projects in relation to crime and police presence. (1:43:45)

Final advice to writers, artists, and creatives (1:51:05) 

  • “If you want to be a writer, you have to write… that’s the key to absolutely everything. You have to sit down and you have to find your way of doing that. 
  • “Set yourself a place and a time every day to sit down and do the work. And even if you do half an hour a day, that can take you where you want to go.” 

People mentioned 

Marcus Rashford 

James Baldwin

James Kelman 

Alesdair Gray 

Jeff Goins

Steven Pressfield 

Brian Koppleman 

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Irvine Welsh

Conor McGregor 

Anthony Bourdain 

Russell Brand 

Helpful links 

Real Artists Don’t Starve: Timeless Strategies for Thriving in the New Creative Age by Jeff Goins

The London Writers’ Salon

Atlanta (TV series)

The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron 

Where can I find David?

Website | Twitter | Instagram

Is there a lesson that stuck out to you the most? Let us know in the comments.

About the host 

Haroon Khan is a tech copywriter by day and poet by night. Among his artistic pursuits is this podcast where he interviews creatives who’ve already done it. Whether that’s writing a book, making a movie, or an album. He’s documenting their challenges, how they overcame them, and helping you discover how you can too.

 Speak Easy With Haroon S1:E1

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Overcoming decades of fear and procrastination: Sophia Bennett’s journey to answering her call as an award-winning writer

“My mother let me read whatever I wanted … that’s when I got the first inclination that I wanted to be a writer.” – Sophia Bennett

Did you have the same inclination?

A crystal clear calling into your creative identity, followed by years of procrastination and unrelated fulfillment.

Do you feel like unresolved trauma is holding you back from artistic expression?

Sophia felt the same. Then she made a choice – to start.

That choice led to getting her hands on the manuscript for Harry Potter before the world knew about “The Boy Who Lived.”

Then that pushed her to write her own words instead of studying someone else’s. It led her to finish, write, and write again. Up until today as a professional crime-based novelist.

As the first guest on our podcast, she certainly left a lasting impression, along with truthful doses about the creative journey you shouldn’t miss.

Let’s dive into the highlights …

Who is Sophia Bennett? A little more …

Sophia Bennett is a British, award-winning young adult, and now-turned-crime-based novelist. 

She was previously a librarian, management consultant, and YA author for ten years. Her first book, Threads won the Times/Chicken House children’s fiction competition. It was followed by two further books in the series which were published around the world. 

Sophia’s goal was always to get and keep young people reading. Now embracing artistic re-invention, Sophia is using the foundation of her success to dive into the genre that she’s always loved as a child: crime.

Show Notes

  • Sophia’s formative years as an army child. (1:05)
  • Sophia’s observations on trauma and artistry. (5:02)
  • What stopped Sophia from following through on the inclination she always had as a child to be a writer? (13:20)
  • Sophia on a writer’s necessity. (16:20)
  • How Sophia’s time as a management consultant and traveler enhanced her journey
  • Sophia on reading the manuscript for Harry Potter before the world knew about “The Boy Who Lived.” (17:20)
  • Making different things. Failing. And making things again. (19:00)
  • The unsexy creator journey. (20:55)
  • Grabbing the good moments and being grateful. (33:43)
  • A habit of all the greats and the best advice Sophia received as a writer. (35:30)
  • Sophia’s take on the question ALL writers have to face: “Have you been published yet?” (40:53)
  • The true definition of a writer. (44:34)
  • About Sophia’s podcast. (46:50)
  • Sophia’s early work as a Young Adult writer. (50:00)
  • The shift into crime-based novels. (53:05)
  • On embracing reinvention. (56:50)
  • Sophia’s advice to her 18-year-old self. (1:04:30)
  • The three movies that Sophia absolutely couldn’t do without. (1:09:25)

Listen to the full episode on Spotify

Final advice to writers, artists, and creatives (1:06:04)

  • “You’re already doing the right thing because you’re listening to this podcast.”
  • “Writing is a discipline. There will be creative joy, but don’t expect that to happen every day. Bum on seat. Every day.”
  • “Every now and again, try to finish something.”
  • “Keep going.”
  • “Find communities of fellow writers and learn from them. Find people you trust to share your work and keep going from there.”

What was your favourite lesson from the podcast? Let us know!

People mentioned 

Tom Jones

Marty McFly 

Paul McCartney 

David Beckham 

Katharine Hepburn

David Bowie 

Steven Pressfield 

Stephen King 

Neil Gaiman

Bernadine Evaristo 

Helpful links

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield 

Clueless (film)

Crazy Rich Asians (film)

The Martian (film)

The Windsor Knot by SJ Bennett 

Where can I find Sophia?

Website | Twitter | Instagram | Podcast 

About the host 

Haroon Khan is a tech copywriter by day and poet by night. Among his artistic pursuits is this podcast where he interviews creatives who’ve already done it. Whether that’s writing a book, making a movie, or an album. He’s documenting their challenges, how they overcame them, and helping you discover how you can too.

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A Trilogy of Grief – Part 1

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Today is March 3rd, 2023.

Finally, De La Soul’s back catalogue has been released on all digital platforms. 

I’ve been waiting for this moment…I don’t even know how long. 

I just know that digital streaming felt strange. 

At least for this hip hop head. 

I’d go onto Spotify, but I couldn’t stream most of my favourite De La Soul songs.

Why?

Doesn’t really matter. Some legal bullshit. 

3 Feet High and Rising

De La Soul is Dead

Buhloone Mindstate

Stakes is High

Art Official Intelligence: Mosaic Thump

Art Official Intelligence: Bionix

That’s a heap of goodness, totally absent on Spotify and other digital streaming platforms. 

But De La Soul had been working tirelessly to negotiate a way to get their work onto the steaming platforms. 

And they succeeded. 

The date was set. 

March 3rd, 2023.

Today is the day and it feels bittersweet.

February 12th 2023 I had another restless night of sleep. Tossing and turning. I reached for my mobile phone. I went onto Facebook to check my feed. 

I see someone writing this massive essay about De La Soul.

That’s cool. 

De La Soul deserve dissertations and thesis’ dedicated to dissecting and celebrating their genius. 

I went back to bed. Tossed and turned some more. 

Woke up again, returned to Facebook.

Now I’m seeing my feed saturated with posts about De La Soul, with a special focus on Dave aka Plug 2 of De La Soul had passed away aged 54. 

I sobbed in bed. I had to mute my grief as I didn’t want to wake anyone up where I was staying.

I may have been manufactured England, but the craftsmanship is Pakistani.

My people grieve hard. Without reservation. Muting my grief was fucked. There’s something there…this is not the time or place for that. But that wasn’t innocuous. I’m gonna nip my ADHD in the bud and get back to the topic at hand…

The news hurt. I saw friends of mine, grown men in their 50s mourning. Another musical hero. Gone. Aged 54! That’s too young. Too young. 

The next few days I had to go onto my iPhone where I saved all of De La Soul’s songs and revisited EVERYTHING. 

A rush of thoughts, emotions and inspiration flooded my senses. Heart, mind, body, soul, ALL engaged. 

1998-2000 was an important time in my life. 

I’d always loved music, but this was the time when I went in hard. I’d gotten into hip hop in 1998 and for those two years I snapped up so many albums. 

No streaming, no iTunes.

I’d go to HMV, log onto Amazon (in the very early years) and pick up everything I could. 

3 Feet High and Rising

De La Soul is Dead

Buhloone Mindstate

Stakes is High

These four albums got me through college. 

College was hard (final two years of high school for my American cousins).

I was 17 and I’d returned to London after spending 5 years in Pakistan.

I grew up in the 1980s under Margaret Thatcher and Norman Tebbett. 1980s Britain was racist as fuck. 

My mum took me out of school in 1993 and took me to Pakistan. I left while John Major was the Prime Minister. 

1998 I came back to the UK 1 year into New Labour. 

I decided to go to college instead of a sixth form. 

I wanted more freedom and that’s what I got at college. 

But it was hard a tricky time. I was still 22 years away from being diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I was experiencing constant social and academic challenges and had no idea why I kept fucking things up. 

I was smart, had a relatively kind heart, but yeah, things always went sideways. Always. 

Hip hop was a sanctuary in this time. And within that, two groups stood out for me:

A Tribe Called Quest

De La Soul

De La Soul appealed for so many reasons.

I loved how unapologetically themselves they were. It would take me another 22 years at least to get that comfortable in my skin. But I know that De La Soul planted some of those seeds that allowed me to blossom into myself. 

They modelled the best behaviour for me. 

Provided me with a map. 

I’m a romantic and an idealist. 

I remember listening to Eye Know from De La Soul back in college. 

This is Dave aka Plug 2’s verse:

May I cut this dance to introduce myself

As the chosen one for speak?

Let me lay my hand across yours

And aim a kiss upon your cheek

The name’s Plug Two (is Plug Two)

And from the soul, I bring you

The daisy of your choice

May it be filled with the pleasure principle

In circumference to my voice

About those other Jennys I reckoned with

Lost them all like a homework excuse

This time the magic number is two

‘Cause it takes two, not three, to seduce

My destiny of love is brought to an apex

Sex is a mere molecule

In this world of lust that I have for you

It’s true

I know I’ll love you better

Fuck!!!

I was floored. 

Now I love blowing out backs as much as the next man. But love, that’s…love is…I love love (shout out Metaphorest). 

I’ve never heard love expressed in such an innocent and tender way. I was 17 when I heard these rhymes, and I’m gonna be 42 soon and these rhymes still make my heart flutter. 

I don’t need to quote anymore lyrics by Dave aka Trugoy aka Plug 2. 

You know everything you need to know about his skill and his heart from those lyrics. 

Altho, I’d say also listen to “Trying People” on De La Soul’s album Bionix. 

Dave’s verses on their always made me cry even when he was alive. 

Now…those verses are unlocking so many layers of unexpressed grief. 

  • The loss of a close friend and my closest uncle to Covid
  • Divorce
  • Navigating fatherhood from a distance
  • Finally making sense of my brain (Autism and ADHD)



There’s more, but…

Dave was the heart of De La Soul. 

He worked with my brother Ty who so many people miss. 

De La Soul’s music was honest, sincere and at times fucking weird. 

I’m coming up to my 42 birthday and I realise that for most of that time I’ve masked myself. Suppressed it.

Who knows how long I have left. 

“Tomorrow’s not promised for none of us” Ty – I’m Leaving

I want to be:

  • Honest
  • Sincere
  • Fucking weird

Dave aka Trugoy aka Plug 2 and De La Soul’s work left me with a blueprint for this. 

Today is bittersweet.

But I’ve been up since 5am and writing furiously while the birds cheep and…despite the bittersweet feelings and grief (re)surfacing…I’m good ya know?

I am up and I’m looking forward to today and to the rest of my life. 

I’m living a life infused with passion and love.

De La Soul played a huge role in that.

They will continue to be a huge part of the soundtrack of my life. 

Dave aka Trugoy aka Plug 2 – September 21, 1968 – February 12, 2023.

Thank you for your generosity.

Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

Thank you for modelling a form of masculinity I could get with. 

Rest easy sir and look after Ty. Remind him how loved he is. 

2021 Reflections – Part 1

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2021 had its fair share of surprises.

Here in London, we came out of lockdown.

What would that mean for me?

I had no idea…there was a lot of uncertainty too.

As I close out 2021, I realise it’s been almost 5 years since I ended my marriage and stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to get to know myself better. Away from the scripts imposed on me by family, culture, religion AND myself…Yes. I have to won what happened to me prior to 2017 too…Anyways, let me reign in my ADHD and stay on topic…

2021…I started the year in a really anxious place.

I’d just had Covid and was already experiencing symptoms of long covid back then. And I started off 2021 reflecting hard on 2020 too, sadly I never really documented my thoughts on here…not explicitly at least. 2020 had been an instructive time.

I won’t go into the loss and grief I experienced in 2020…but I got to spend time away from the poetry scene that I’d been a part of 2017-2019. I had no choice. We were “locked down”.

I attended writing workshops, wrote and shared my work. It was cool.

Come 2021, I had no idea how to react as the world re-opened.

I kept to myself for the first 6 months. Then I got a call from Abdullah, aka SoftSpoken who runs a poetry night called BYOB (Bring Your Own Bars).

“Haroon, we’re firing our DJ. We need someone new and your name came up.”

I actually kind of said no initially. I had imposter syndrome.

I was convinced by my friend Dan to say yes! Dan even invited me around to his home to teach me to DJ to reduce my anxiety around saying yes to Abdullah at BYOB and to get ready for my first gig!

June 2021, I DJ’d and it was incredible!

DJing…It’s been beautiful…It’s made my heart sing, I’ve met some beautiful people…I’m very socially awkward..But I can connect with people over music. I get to make people with my ability to curate music. The whole thing is just infused with so much love.

And after 6 months of being BYOB’s DJ I have been asked to join the team at Pen-Ting.

Pen-Ting is a poetry night I first started going to several years ago. It’s always felt like home. To be asked to join their team as their DJ is an honour.

I’ve been a fan of Repeat Beat Poet and Omari aka SKY GOD. To become collaborators and colleagues with people you’re a fan of…it’s a beautiful thing…

It’s insanely late and I can’t hold my pen much longer. This is just some musings and reflections from 2021…part 1. I’ll put the rest of my thoughts into a part 2 and share that in a couple of days.

Creativity Heals

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I’m not a therapist.

I’m not an expert on mental health……..But, it (mental health) is something I’m grappling with constantly.

I wanted to end this over the New Year. New Year’s Eve to be precise.

This came off of the back of a euphoric high a couple of days prior to this depressive low. I experienced another brief high last night. I connected with an old friend from London Business School whom I hadn’t seen in 10 years. I hoped to carry that positive momentum a little longer…

But I’ve woken up feeling low again.

I have ADHD (as well as autism). This means I have fewer dopamine receptors in my brain than people without ADHD. As a result, ADHD strongly correlates with depression.

There is no magic cure for this. Believe me I’ve tried anti depressants and ADHD meds…

I know what works for me…

It’s a blend of community and creativity.

Today, I woke up. Dopamine levels low. ADHD winning. Depression draped over me like cumulus clouds.

I could have surrendered to this. I wanted to surrender. But…I got up, logged onto London Writer Salon’s Weekend Writer’s Group. I did my morning pages. I wrote with my community.

Do I feel eutrophic right now?

No.

But, I feel better. Creativity is a balm. Creativity…I think latent creativity is a huge cause of my mental health issues that I’ve continued to grapple with since I was 5. In case you’re wondering, I’m 40 now.

But, a simple choice, involving morning pages and creativity (in community) has shifted my mind and led to this blog post.

I’m feeling better, but I won’t leave things to chance. I’m autistic and am part of an autistic theatre group. I’ll be joining them later today to rehearse for a Theatre Showcase where I’ll be performing.

More creativity.

More community.

More creativity in community.

“Latent creativity is not benign.” – Chase Jarvis

Time For a New Story

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The narratives we tell ourselves are important.

Partly because what we tell ourselves is what we’ll live out. There’s no escaping that.

But also because we have a tendency to centre ourselves. Which is dangerous.

It also means we can hurt others….

Let’s look at love (and sex).

Over the years all I’ve ever done is focus on how another person didn’t reciprocate my feelings or respond the way I want them to.

But……..

I’m not the centre of the universe.

Neither are you.

The more I interrogate myself and my past….I realise….I’ve rejected people…I haven’t returned feelings. 9/10 times those people have dealt with it better than I have. Their kindness towards me hasn’t diminished

There’s a lesson in this.

Whatever you want….

Love
Sex
Pleasure
Joy
Friendship
Understanding

You are likely being rejected by someone for those things….but you’re also likely rejecting others too.

I know I’ve rejected people for some of these things and denied some of things to others, I’ve not been aware until recently as I’ve taken time to reflect and interrogate myself.

I need to get over myself. We all do really….

Love, sex, companionship….all of this shit is a multi-sided thing……we get rejected, we reject others….but we’re all gonna find what we’re looking for…..the right fit, it’ll come….until then though, we gotta just get on with life.

Want love?

Be more loving to others.

Want friendship?

Be a better friend to others.

I’ve fallen short on these and numerous other dimensions.

But, I wanna do better.

The work begins now.

To turn up to life as a more generous and empathetic person.

加油.

Notes on Grief

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It’s been a strange week. 

Once again I’ve been playing hide and seek with grief.

It is my big bro Ty’s birthday week. Last night it was his birthday and I celebrated his birthday at a gig held in his honour. It was attended by his fans, friends, family.

Grief isn’t linear.

Grief has no timeline.

Last night was definitely one of the most complicated nights I’ve experienced since Ty’s death. 

At times I cried some of the most bitter tears I’ve cried in a long time over my big bro’s passing. 

At other times my heart was overflowing with love and joy because of his music and the musical tributes done where his touring band performed the music for his songs. 

Shit, my eyes are fucking welling up as I write this. 

One of my friends reached out to me after Ty’s death and told me that the pain I feel and tears I shed, they are not just because of the absence of a loved one, but they are evidence of the presence of love. The love I experienced from Ty and the love I felt for him as a brother. It wasn’t until last night that I truly understood what my friend was trying to tell me.

Last night, I looked around the room. Granted many like myself were hurting. But despite that, the room was full of love. 

I was surrounded by love.

I grew up in an abusive and dysfunctional household utterly devoid of love. 

But as I looked around the room, I realised that I was surrounded by so many people who show me love. 

Ty’s legacy wasn’t just the music he created. 

For me personally? He was my family and he gave me a big extended family. A family that carried me in the wake of my tumultuous divorce as I finally found my feet and began to rebuild and reinvent myself. 

A family that I share the burden of grief with. 

A family that I share moments of joy with. 

A family with which to Pass The Torch. 


Give Yourself Permission To Be Creative

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“Play the fool.”

Ethan Hawke

I love this quote and it’s a great takeaway from Ethan Hawke’s TED Talk.

In fact, this talk is jam packed with great quotes. Here’s another from Ethan Hawke:

“If history has taught us anything, the world is an incredibly unreliable critic.”

I wish I’d written this particular quote, hell, I wish I’d written the first one I quoted too.

Back to the second quote though. Why do I wish I’d written that one in particular?

Because it’s true. When the Beastie Boys released their second album “Paul’s Boutique”, it was universally disliked by critics AND fans.

That must have hurt for the Beastie Boys. I honestly don’t know if I’d have been able to create another album after that. Not I was in my early 20s and had to take that kind of rejection after a debut album where I’d conquered the world (Beastie Boys – Licensed to ILL) .

The Beastie Boys didn’t give up. They went back and learned instruments. They took time out to work on their craft and on have fun with their instruments. Zero expectations.

They played the fool.

They became beginners again and in the process reinvented themselves.

They gave themselves permission to be creative.

Seems to have worked well for them!

I try not to do regrets, but I do regret every period in my life when I didn’t give myself permission to be creative.

However, I can’t EVER remember a time in my life, particularly since 2017 when I regretted giving myself permission to be creative.

Sometimes the end result is great. I’ll get the validation and praise for my work. Sometimes my work is ignored.

But, giving myself over to the process of creating…it just makes me feel alive and full of purpose. And new paths unfold.

“To thrive, to express ourselves…we have to know ourselves.

What do you love?

And if you get close to what you love, who you are is revealed to you and it expands.”

Ethan Hawke

Deep down we know we want to thrive.

The path to thriving comes through creativity.

Give yourself permission to be creative.

Here is Ethan Hawke’s TED Talk.


Choose Yourself

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Trigger warning: References to sexual abuse

It’s May 13th, 20201.

Ramadan is over.

It’s Eid. I will NOT be celebrating it with other people. Specifically, I will not be celebrating it with family.

I have no desire to put myself in a situation where I have to interact with my abuser. A man who repeatedly sexually abused me when I was a teenager. I do not wish to interact with his enablers.

I’ve repressed memories of my abuse for years. Actually, I’ve repressed those memories for decades, to be precise.

Even when I began to acknowledge the abuse I experienced in my teenage years I made compromises.

I’d attend family gatherings where my abuser was present.

I’d interact with him.

Since 2017, I’ve been in therapy and I have realised I can’t make these compromises anymore. No more interactions.

When my marriage broke down in 2017 I even told my family about the abuse and the identity of my abuse. My father told me to “put it behind me”. It got swept under the carpet.

I even told various cousins. Yet, I’d get invited to get togethers where my abuser would be present.

So, today, despite fielding an avalanche of Eid Mubarak messages from relatives encouraging me to come visit, I’ve said no.

I choose to spend Eid on my own.

I choose myself.

Reflections on Father’s Day: 2021 Edition

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January 2017 I had a mental breakdown at 3am in my car.

I was dropping a friend off so she witnessed my meltdown.

I proceeded to list reasons why I was sobbing and couldn’t string together a sentence.

I won’t bore you with the list. Plus a lot of that shit isn’t mine to share.

My friend called bullshit on it all.

“You’re not loved,” she said.

I asked her what she meant.

“Your home life, it isn’t right.”

I had a moment of clarity.

I was in a terrible marriage.

I tried to avoid eye contact with my friend. She didn’t let me hide.

I was in an unloving marriage. That shit will kill your spirit.

It was choking mine. That became apparent to me in that moment.

But, I was hesitant to let the truth wash over me like a baptism.

My friend asked me what was holding me back. There was clearly a block. I wasn’t convinced I could be a father unless I lived under the same roof as my daughter.

I’m so glad my friend challenged me on this.

I’m of Pakistani origin and was raised in a very patriarchal family. I grew up believing that there was only one way I could be a father. And that was to live with my daughter.

I had to shift that thinking in order to file for a divorce and start my life over.

In my culture the belief is that you sacrifice yourself for your children. I am the by produce of this thinking.

May I be frank?

I grew up in a miserable home. Money wasn’t an issue, but it was miserable.

Breaking the cycle. That’s all I could fixate on.

I approached things differently. If I could become the best version of myself, I could become a better father.

If I can set a better example, then my daughter will benefit.

Mindset wise, this was a major adjustment for me.

I’m writing this 11 months since I saw my daughter off at Heathrow Airport. She moved to Dubai with her mother and a global pandemic has gotten in the way of us travelling to see each other.

But, I couldn’t ask for a relationship with my daughter. She’s felt comfortable coming out of the closet to me. I called her on Father’s Day and she greeted me with:

“My guy, how are you?”

I cracked up.

Last year she made me an animation for my birthday. This year for Father’s Day she made me two Star Wars themed hand drawn illustrated Father’s Day cards.




I love hearing her talk about her desire for racial justice and LGBTQ rights.

I love witnessing her passion for saving the environment.

I love giving her space to be herself.

I love letting her explore her thoughts in conversation with me.

I love her.